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time is a difficult concept to grasp. each day seems unbearably long, and then on one of those days you wake up and realize that you have lived for nearly sixty of them already, and how did that happen without you noticing?

well, the time has come. that certain time when you know things are going to be different; it is the time when one chapter ends and another begins, or in my case, when the previous chapter resumes. the time has come when dreaded goodbyes overlap with long awaited hellos and other such greetings, the time when reality strikes you suddenly and maliciously and without remorse. it's time to go home.

don't get me wrong, i absolutely cannot WAIT to go home!! to my family and friends and cats and just.. home. but.. sixty days seems like such a short time frame to get to know another place, and the people that inhabit it. it's like a slice of time just jammed into an available crack in my life. it seems i have just begun to connect with the kids here, and am becoming more comfortable, but now that it's time to leave i realize i may not ever see them again. how can you spend sixty days with someone and then just.. say goodbye?

four days from now i will be on a plane, and eight hours from then i will be on the other side of the world again. but the four days between then and now will seem both arduously long and painfully much too short, simultaneously. time is a funny thing. but definitely not funny-haha.

it's hard to describe how i feel, but i am going to try the best i can to describe it: i feel as if i'm standing on a block of ice that is floating in the water, slowly melting away as i search for a piece of land to jump to. there are islands surrounding me, i can see them! but my block of ice is nearly done in and the islands are too far to swim to. so, what do i do? i consider my options...and then realize i have no idea what they are. so i wait.

i don't know what i'm waiting for, but i'm waiting nonetheless. it just seems like the thing to do, i suppose. when i get home, the house will be there waiting for me, my car, uni program, and mum will be waiting for me, and my reality will be waiting for me. everything is waiting, so i will too. when i get home, i will live in my house, drive to and from school everyday, kiss my mum hello and goodbye, and i will merge into the old life i remember. but how can i go on in *that* life, when i have such a vivid memory of my life *here*? will i forget what i've seen, or felt? will i become a robot, rehearsing my daily tasks as i did before? my block of ice continues to melt.. there's a panic in my heart for an answer. and the ice continues to melt.

after seeing 'in touch' three times, 'closest to the moon' four times, 'spring awakening' eleven times (not counting the other two shows i was backstage photographing the band), and several other non-rsamd related performances, i'd say i've had a decent run of the 2010 edinburgh fringe festival. it was a pleasure to accompany this group for the month, there are just not enough words to describe how delightful they are, and i wonder if they realize how much of my heart they have nabbed. i love them, and now it is time to say goodbye. i hate goodbyes.

i think i have probably said enough for tonight..haha. four days left of this adventure.. i don't know whether to cry or to laugh! i've appreciated my time here so much, a part of me wishes i could stay. another part just wants wednesday to be now. in any case, and either way, my scotland experience draws to a close. and the ice continues to melt.. and i continue to wait.. [curtain.]